Monday, August 20, 2012

Steerage



“Ladies and Gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you aboard  Delta flight number XXXX, from Los Angeles to Atlanta. We have a full flight today, and, since we expect this flight to be a hot and smelly fucking nightmare, let us suggest that if you have any medications such as Xanax, Valium or Ativan with you, take them now. And feel free to see the Flight Attendants if you have any left over.’

‘We would like to encourage those of you currently boarding to move your fat asses along as quickly as possible, so we can fill this flight to our Boeing 757-200’s ideal cattle-car capacity. For those of you holding up the line by attempting to jam a large suitcase into the overhead bin, let us join your fellow passengers in the sincere hope that your luggage is filled with bed bugs which will infest your home upon your return.’

‘Currently, we are number 157 in line for takeoff. We wish those of you with connections to make in Atlanta the very best.  Now, please direct your attention to the tiny screen in front of you, where the Chairman and CEO of Delta Airlines is making a completely bogus and utterly laughable attempt to tell you how wonderful flying with Delta really is.’

‘Flight Attendants are currently passing throughout the cabin with applications for the American Express Delta Skymiles credit card. We expect that you will use it frequently, believing that we will actually redeem your points with free tickets and upgrades. Hah! Suckas!”




Cartoon image from cartoonstock.com, via Google Images. Image may be subject to copyright.

6 comments:

queen_cupcake said...

Here's what I say: See the USA in your Chevrolet. If you have time, that is. And the money for gasoline. I hate flying any more; the TSA experience is revolting too.

Olfacta said...

Hi QC -- Oh, yeah, the TSA! I could swear I saw Beavis & Butthead in those white shirts.

We drive whenever we can, believe me. But California is a little too far.

Aparatchick said...

It's sad, isn't it? I remember when Delta was an excellent company. Now we refer to it as the "We hate to fly and it shows" airline.

And yeah, the TSA? Atrocious.

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